1.13.2010

Miss Annoying-Exceptions-Food-Orderer

Over the past few years I've slowly become that person. You know, that person who can't just be happy with normal, made-as-intended meals. We've all seen them, been behind them at Wendy's, or been embarrassed to be sitting at a restaurant table with them. Rather than ordering something and being content with how it was intended to be made, they must change it. They can't be content with just eating food but must rather be an annoyance and change it all, like they have any right.

I remember being behind a man at some fast-food restaurant once during high school who insisted on changing just about everything in his meal. I can't remember exactly his order, but it was something along the lines of a hamburger minus the bun, lettuce, mayo, tomato, pickle, onion and cheese. Or in other words, not much of a hamburger at all.

The problem is, my mother, bless her soul, did great things for me. She gave me her spunk, her sass, most physical features (our school photos look scarily alike), but she also gave this gem of a genetic trait called lactose intolerance. I didn't start having issues until high school, thankfully. However, now when I eat anything dairy-related my body is all, ARE YOU SERIOUS?, DO YOU WANT ME TO HATE MY LIFE?!, and temporarily starts up WWIII in my stomach. Which is about as fun as it sounds.

Due to that I've sadly become an annoying eater. When I order hot cocoa I have to specify soy milk and no whipped cream. I don't eat yogurt anymore. I cook with soy milk. I can't even remember the last time I purchased milk for myself. A lot of soups are out too because of the cream base. And aside from the occasional bowl of ice cream and mozzarella (It's the one cheese I can't give up. What kind of an Italian food foodie would I be without it?) it's out of the question. There are supplement options like Lactaid but after you realize you'd have to eat it with almost every meal it's gets rather tiresome. So much to my chagrin, that's when you realize it's time to break up, to move on, to forget about the good times and try to live separate lives.

6 comments:

a.b.c said...

My lactose intolerance flared up during college. But I honestly think it is going away. I rarely, if ever, take my lactaid. And I eat creamy soups without a problem. Maybe you'll grow out of it too...

Kristen said...

ha.

Funk Master B said...

My Asian excursions helped me acquire a taste for soy. I like it.

Ky said...

Did you ever see the movie "Last Holiday" with Queen Latifah? If no, move to part (a). If yes, move on to part (b).

(a) It's a funny one. I bet you'd like it. In fact, you should netflix/redbox it a.s.a.p. Well, I don't know that you need it THAT quickly . . .

(b) Remember that crazy Chef Didier and how he loved Miss Georgia (because she ate all of his food) so much that he told her the secret to happiness (butter)? :)

MHB said...

I'm still waiting to grow out of mine! Hasn't happened yet.

Kristen said...

On that same note, the new Kraft cheese natural brand is lactose-free. yup you heard me right. read the fine print on the back.